We were actually a thing for a good twenty-two months, I spent maybe three months chasing after you, and there wasn’t much closure between us, so I guess this post will have to do.
I hope you don’t hate me after you read this, if you ever do.
Those twenty-two months were great, no doubt about it. You kept me up until six in the morning once, and I wasn’t able to train that day, but I didn’t really care. I was just glad I got to talk to you for so long. That didn’t happen a lot since most of the time you’d fall asleep on me at nine in the evening and my day would end with me sending a good night message. We saw a Tagalog movie once, and I vaguely recall laughing at you because you didn’t know a quarter of the soundtrack. Everyone liked the Eraserheads, you knew like two songs. I don’t know why, but that was cute as hell to me back then. Not everything was great, but I had one hell of a ride with you, negative and positive included. I was head over heels, and we both knew it.
Then some stuff went down a week or so after your birthday, and shit hit the fan. I had no idea what would happen, but I guess that was just me being very much in denial. It took me half a month, a “that didn’t go too well” birthday surprise, two holidays, a whole lot of sleepless nights, and a talk with an administrator before I let everything sink in. I won’t delve into specifics. I sulked to every single heartbreak song and found the corniest, “ew that is so not me” lines applicable.
I guess not everything works the way you think it’s supposed to, and that’s okay.
And now that I can say I’m actually over everything, I’m writing this. It’s 1:51 in the morning and we’ve got several multiple choice tests tomorrow, and I’m writing this. I’m supposed to be studying to make up for my Chemistry marks, and I’m writing this.
I’m not writing this because I want to get back together, no. I’m writing this to get the closure I so desperately need for myself. This is not me asking you to take me back. This is me letting out what I kept all bottled up for three months.
I know we’re not exactly on the best of terms right now, and that’s alright. Either way, thanks. Thanks for putting up with my excessive usage of capital letters whenever I freaked out over All Time Low. Thanks for not not totally ignoring me (most of the time) whenever I sent you strings of messages because I missed you. Thanks for Clouds, he still sleeps on my bed. Thanks for writing back. Thanks for being the first person I actually liked. Thanks for being my center of gravity for almost two years.
Thank you, buddy. You meant a lot.